Peace for the Holidays — Three Truths to Protect Your Heart
Finding room to breathe, to laugh again, and to feel God’s peace settle over you
Before you say yes to one more thing over the next two months, I want you to pause with me for a minute today. What if this year looked different? What if instead of running on empty, you actually had room to breathe—maybe even to laugh—and to feel God’s peace settle over you once again?
Today I’m going to share three truths with you that can completely shift the way you move through this season. This is part of a series that I’ve created on how to have peace for the holidays.
I’m going to help you learn how to release the guilt that shows up every time you try to set a new boundary. I’m going to help you discover how to protect your peace when the pressure starts to close in. And last but not least, I’m going to give you the most important truth about how to manage these next couple of months as we come to the close of the year.
This is your reminder:
You don’t have to do it all this year.
And you don’t have to keep saying yes when your heart says no.
We all know what it feels like as a grieving mom and dad when the calendar starts to turn to October and then November—and then we blink, and it’s January. It doesn’t matter how far you are in your grief journey; we all feel that angst of another holiday without our child.
And friend, if this is your first, this is a very important lesson for you. Find a quiet place where you can settle in and really take this in. You may even want to return to it again, because if I had known what I’m sharing with you now, it would have changed my life in a miraculous way.
However, we know that in God’s timing, He creates what He intends for it to be. Because I struggled, I’m now in a seat where I can get a little bit ahead of you—to give you some knowledge and some skills to be able to face the next few months without the fear and the angst and the guilt that we all feel this time of year.
We’re going to hit three very important points today.
The Boundary of Guilt
Let’s start here, because guilt is usually the first thing that shows up when we even think about saying no.
There’s pressure everywhere this time of year. Not only are you managing your grief, but there are family gatherings, traditions to uphold, and people who mean well but don’t fully understand.
Your heart is caught between wanting to love them and realizing you don’t have the energy you once did. Saying no feels wrong—like you’re letting people down.
But friend, what I want you to hear today is that peace isn’t about doing everything. It’s about choosing what keeps your heart close to Jesus.
When we say yes out of guilt, we slowly drain the peace right out of us that we so desperately need.
“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
— Matthew 11:28–29, NLT
Oh, friend, does that sound unreachable? You are not being selfish for protecting your peace—in fact, you’re being wise.
Jesus never said yes to everything. Every yes you give to others when, inside, you really mean no, takes away peace from your own heart and mind.
Let’s use Jesus as an example. He said yes to the Father, and that’s what kept His peace.
So maybe this year, let go of the guilt that tells you you’re supposed to somehow do everything the way you’ve always done it—especially when people around you want you to keep things the same for their own comfort.
Without realizing it, they’re putting their expectations on you.
So maybe this year, you let go of the guilt that tells you you are supposed to do it all.
The Boundary of Overload
Just the sound of that resonates, doesn’t it? When your calendar starts to fill faster than your heart can keep up, it’s a sign, friend, to slow down.
This is what I want you to understand: you are not the same person you were before your loss.
Grief shifts your capacity—physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally—and sometimes we don’t realize how much until we find ourselves in a place where we’ve committed out of guilt, and then it hits us like a wall.
If you try to keep moving at the same pace you once did, friend, you’re going to burn out before you ever reach Christmas.
This is where wisdom comes in, because boundaries are not walls—they are wisdom. They don’t limit love; they protect it.
Think of it like a garden fence. It’s not there to keep life from growing—it’s there to protect what’s inside so life can flourish.
“Guard your heart above all else,
for it determines the course of your life.”
— Proverbs 4:23, NLT
You can love deeply and still choose to do less. Let this be the year that you protect your energy so that the moments you say yes are filled with presence, not pressure.
Here are a few phrases you can lean on this season:
“I’d love to, but I sense the Lord asking me to rest right now in this season.”
“I’m giving myself permission to slow down and heal.”
Those aren’t excuses—they’re boundaries of love.
When you give yourself permission to rest, you invite peace in. Somehow we’ve convinced ourselves that the more we do, the more peace we’ll have—but friend, that’s simply not the truth.
A Door Closed and Peace Opened
Recently, I was presented with a very good opportunity—something that could have helped me advance the work I do as a grief mentor.
But it came at the end of the year, and it was going to be costly—not just in time, but in emotional and spiritual energy.
So I prayed with my husband, and asked God to help me see with His eyes, not mine.
And what He showed me was this: It’s not the right time.
Those of you who’ve been with me a while know that November is Andrew’s Heaven Day. And going into that season is heavy.
Then, of course, the holidays follow one after another.
So I made the decision to close that door. And though I felt a little angst after hitting send on that email, what came back surprised me.
She thanked me for honoring my boundaries—for protecting my mental, emotional, and spiritual health—and she opened the door for a future opportunity.
That’s how God works, isn’t it?
I thought shutting that door meant it would stay shut forever. But when I honored the Holy Spirit’s prompting—Teresa, this will rob your peace—He turned that “no” into an open door down the road.
Friend, having wisdom to know when to say no is following Jesus’s example.
The Boundary of Distraction
The holidays can pull us in a hundred directions. Even with the best intentions, we can get caught up in the to-do lists, the plans, and all the noise that never seems to stop—until we realize we’re completely exhausted.
Our minds are busy, but our hearts are far from peace.
“Remain in me, and I will remain in you.
For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine,
and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.”
— John 15:4, NLT
Friend, that’s the invitation.
The boundary of distraction says: I will not be pulled away from what fills my cup.
Stay close. Stay connected. Stay rooted in your Anchor.
When you say no to distraction, you say yes to intimacy.
We can’t hear His voice when our minds are cluttered and our hearts are restless.
To restore your soul, you have to do what it says in Psalm 46:10 (NLT):
“Be still, and know that I am God.”
Stillness is where peace is born, friend—and sometimes your no is the holiest yes you can give.
So ask yourself, what’s one thing you can release this season to make room for peace?
Boundaries that protect your peace also protect your ability to be intimate with Him. And that’s where healing begins.
Saying no doesn’t mean you’re disappointing others. It means you’re trusting God with your limits.
You are not limitless. None of us are.
This week, I want you to practice it.
Maybe you’ve never said no to someone you love—but I want you to try it, just once. It may be awkward and uncomfortable at first. But after a time of reflection you will notice the peace that follows. Notice the deep breath you can finally take. Notice the quiet in the storm.
You’re Not Withdrawing — You’re Making Space for God
As grieving moms, we walk a fine line. We’re told not to isolate, but the truth is—in those first months after losing our child, we surround ourselves with what feels safe.
We’re protecting ourselves from a world that doesn’t make sense anymore.
But as we begin to venture out, anxiety comes too.
And if this is your first holiday season, friend—it’s about survival. Take some time to reflect on what you need most right now and give yourself permission to honor that.
Maybe you’re a few years down the road, and people are starting to say, “It’s been two years. It’s time.”
Friend, I’m giving you permission to pause.
Pull back. Evaluate your needs. The only person you’re 100 percent accountable to is your Lord and Savior.
You’re not withdrawing—you’re making space for God to comfort you-follow his lead.
That’s the kind of peace your soul is longing for rest.
Make This Year Different
Take these three truths with you. Reflect on them. Return to these words when you need a reminder. Think about where you are and how you can protect your peace for the rest of the year.
Nobody understands our weakness like the One who created us.
We tend to wear the cloak of strong for many reasons.
But if you’re wearing the cloak of strong because of others’ expectations of you, I’m asking you to take that cloak off today.
Be true to yourself.
Look honestly at what you are capable of—and what you are not.
Because friend, if you ignore what I’m teaching you today, you will be robbed of your peace this season.
You already carry enough. You’re learning how to live in a world without the one you love walking beside you.
Learning how to say no when it’s appropriate for you is a skill that has to be practiced.
Practice it this week.
You might be surprised at the peace that follows once you do.
🎧 Listen to the Full Episode
To hear this message in full and walk through these truths with me, listen to Episode #227: How To Not Say Yes When Your Heart Says No-Boundaries That Protect Peace on The Grief Mentor Podcast.
Next Steps
Friend, if your heart feels especially heavy as the holidays approach, I want to help you find peace in the middle of it.
🎁 Holiday Sale Offer— Peace for the Holidays
Through November 22, book a 1:1 Grief Mentor Session and receive my new printable guide:
Peace for the Holidays — A Simple Plan for Grieving Moms.
In our time together, we’ll talk about what this season brings up for you and create a plan that helps you breathe again—one that honors your child and makes space for peace.
👉 Book your session here
💛 Join the Waitlist for The Grief Roadmap
If your heart is whispering that you need community, you’re not alone.
The next round of The Grief Roadmap opens after the first of the year, and the waitlist is now open for both new and returning moms.
When you join, you’ll be the first to know when enrollment begins—and you’ll receive early-access bonuses before the doors open.
👉 Join the waitlist here
You don’t have to face the next season alone. God is already walking with you, and I’d be honored to walk beside you too.
