Grieving This Thanksgiving? 3 Ways to See Jesus in Your Story
A Thanksgiving reflection for grieving moms walking through the valley of child loss
Today is Saturday, November 22nd, and as we head into Thanksgiving next week, I know many of you feel the weight of your grief long before the day arrives. Holidays land differently when your heart is grieving. The memories feel sharper. The silence feels louder. And sometimes the ache meets you before the day even comes.
I want to give you some background today on the holiday we celebrate as Thanksgiving, because the history behind it holds something powerful for grieving moms. Thanksgiving was first established as a national day of gratitude in one of the darkest seasons of American history.
A President’s Grief
President Abraham Lincoln did not proclaim Thanksgiving from a place of ease, abundance, or emotional strength. He spoke those words as a grieving dad. Lincoln’s young son, William Wallace — known as Willie Lincoln — died on February 20th, 1862. He was just 11 years old. He died from typhoid fever inside the White House during his father’s presidency.
So imagine the grief of losing a child in the very place where the world expects you to lead, to make decisions, to carry the weight of a nation. Those who knew Lincoln said he was never the same after Willie died. He walked the halls at night calling out his son’s name and would return to Willie’s room just to sit with his memories.
He understood emptiness – the hollow ache of the holidays. And he understood what it meant to lead a nation while carrying a broken heart.
October 3rd, 1863
When Lincoln proclaimed Thanksgiving as a national holiday in 1863, our country was not celebrating. It was suffering. The Civil War was tearing families apart. Homes were divided. Grief hung heavy in every community. And Lincoln himself was still living in the fresh wound of losing his little boy.
And yet, he called the nation to pause and give thanks — not because life was good, not because his heart felt light, not because his grief had passed, but because Lincoln understood, the way you understand, that gratitude is not born in seasons of ease.
Gratitude is a lifeline in seasons of sorrow. It steadies the soul when life feels fragile and uncertain. It reminds us that even in the valley, God’s faithfulness has not changed.
Thanksgiving was not created for families who feel whole. It was created for people like you and for people like me who have known deep loss. Gratitude does not dismiss grief. It simply means that you see that God has never left you, and He is right in the middle with you.
Gratitude In The Valley
As we approach November 27th, let me ask you gently: Have you struggled to feel thankful when your heart still aches? Maybe you’ve wondered what gratitude even looks like when the person you love is missing from the table this year. Today, we are talking about the kind of gratitude that grows out of surrender — a gratitude that can carry your heart as we walk toward Thanksgiving Day.
Some of you know my story. Andrew went to Heaven on November 30th. Thanksgiving was our last holiday together. Andrew loved to cook. He loved to be in the kitchen, and he carved the turkey that last Thanksgiving. It was beautiful. I took a picture of it — the turkey placed perfectly on the plate.
After Andrew died, I swore I would never cook a turkey again. I didn’t want to carve it. I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want to face that memory without him. Because that’s where grief lands, isn’t it? Those last moments become sacred. They become engraved in our hearts and minds, and we never want to forget them. And then we reach the place where we realize we’re never going to have that exact moment again with our child. So we want to freeze time.
Love Is In The Food
I’m seven years into my grief journey now, and yes — I cooked turkey the very next Thanksgiving. But there was one thing I could not make: sweet potato casserole. Andrew and I shared a love for it. I loved watching him eat it. I would catch him eating it cold out of the refrigerator with a big spoon the next day. So I didn’t make sweet potato casserole for a few years.
But eventually, I did. And now, when I make it, I enjoy it. Because it brings joy to remember how much he loved it.
So how do we practice gratitude in the valley of grief? Let’s walk through the truths that reshape your heart for the coming week.
“I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak his praises.” — Psalm 34:1 (NLT)
Gratitude and sorrow can coexist. Thankfulness does not erase grief. It steadies the soul. For a long time, I believed I could not be thankful for anything because my child was no longer walking beside me. “How can I be thankful if he’s not here?” I lived in that place until the Holy Spirit opened my eyes.
You can cry and give thanks in the same breath. Gratitude does not deny your pain — it acknowledges God’s presence in it.
This leads to the next truth: Gratitude shifts your focus.
Yes, the table will look different this year, but God’s presence has not changed. He is still near. He is still faithful. He is the same Jesus who wept with Mary before raising Lazarus. Jesus paused to experience the pain even though He knew the outcome. That is an example for us.
When we practice gratitude, we stop staring at the empty chair and start seeing the One who promises never to leave us.
That empty chair represents your child’s earthly presence, but their presence remains — just in a different location. Think about that.
As Thanksgiving approaches, I want you to recall how God has been faithful to you. Ask the Holy Spirit to bring His faithfulness to your remembrance, and write it down. Gratitude opens your eyes to what is still true: God has never left you.
“For God has said, ‘I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.’” — Hebrews 13:5 (NLT)
Gratitude creates space for God’s peace to settle in — and it transforms the brain He created. Peace rarely shows up loud. It comes in small moments, in the stillness.
“Be still, and know that I am God!” — Psalm 46:10 (NLT)
For grieving moms and dads, peace comes in small holy moments. A friend who helps you through the day. A Bible study where a lightbulb goes off. A grief support group where someone shares a truth you haven’t been able to see. Inside The Grief Roadmap, I watch these moments unfold between grieving moms all the time. These moments turn into big ones.
Paul gives us a sequence for how peace grows:
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace…” — Philippians 4:6–7 (NLT)Pray.
Ask.
Thank him.
Then peace comes.
“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.” — Philippians 4:8 (NLT)
Fixing your thoughts takes intention. Gratitude is one of the ways you do that. And here’s the part that amazes me every time: God designed your brain to respond to gratitude.
Small expressions of thanks activate the prefrontal cortex, helping calm and regulate your emotions. Gratitude releases dopamine and serotonin — your brain’s natural peace chemicals. It quiets the amygdala, the alarm system where fear, grief, and trauma live.
You don’t have to feel peaceful to feel grateful. Just searching for something true and lovely opens the door for peace to slip in. Gratitude is not being thankful for the pain. It’s being thankful that God has not left you in it.
Every whispered “thank you,” even through tears, is a declaration of trust.
Maybe return to this idea again later: Every quiet thank you is evidence that your heart still believes God is good, even when life does not feel good.
🎧 Listen to the Full Episode
You can hear the full conversation and the complete message on today’s episode of The Grief Mentor Podcast. Let it meet you right where you are this Thanksgiving. # 232 /Grieving This Thanksgiving? 3 Ways to See Jesus in Your Story
Next Steps
Friend, if your heart feels especially heavy as the holidays approach, I want to help you find peace in the middle of it.
🎁 Holiday Flash Offer — Peace for the Holidays
Extended Through December 15th, book a 1:1 Grief Mentor Session and receive my new printable guide:
Peace for the Holidays — A Simple Plan for Grieving Moms.
In our time together, we’ll talk about what this season brings up for you and create a plan that helps you breathe again—one that honors your child and makes space for peace.
👉 Book your session here
💛 Join the Waitlist for The Grief Roadmap
If your heart is whispering that you need community, you’re not alone.
The next round of The Grief Roadmap opens after the first of the year, and the waitlist is now open for both new and returning moms.
When you join, you’ll be the first to know when enrollment begins—and you’ll receive early-access bonuses before the doors open.
👉 Join the waitlist here
You don’t have to face the next season alone. God is already walking with you, and I’d be honored to walk beside you too.
