HOW DO I LIVE WITHOUT MY CHILD ?
When You Can’t See a Future Without Your Child — For the grieving mom standing at the edge of forever, wondering how she is supposed to take one more step
Child loss grief changes everything about the way you see your future.
Not just the early days.
Not just the fog of the first year when you are simply trying to survive the weight of what has happened.
But later — when the numbness starts to fade and the survival mode begins to wear off — and the reality of the rest of your life is suddenly standing right in front of you.
That is a different kind of hard.
And if you have found yourself in that place — unable to see a future that your child is not a part of — I want you to know that what you are feeling is not a sign that your faith is weak or somehow you are doing this wrong.
It is a sign that your love is deep.
Stay with me here — because what I want to share with you today changed everything about how I understood what I was actually being asked to carry.
THE DAY FOREVER BECAME REAL
There are dates on the calendar that mark the moments we lost our children.
But there is another day — one that does not have a date — that leaves a different kind of mark on a grieving mother’s heart.
I remember that day for me.
It was not the day Andrew left.
It was the day I realized I was going to live the rest of my life here on this earth — forever — without him walking beside me.
I had worked through so much emotion up to that point in my grief journey.
And this lands differently for every grieving mom.
But what I typically see in my work with moms whose children are no longer physically walking beside them — somewhere along in year two — once the survival mode starts to wear off and the numbness starts to fade — the reality of the rest of their life is front and center.
That is what I remember about that day.
I was outside on a walk.
It was a bright sunny day.
And I like to look up into the heavens whenever I have a conversation with God — to envision where Andrew actually is.. right now.
And I said these very words to Him.
OK. I get it. You have Andrew and I don’t. And I need two things from you. Number one — I need to know where Andrew is. Like physically — where is he. And number two — I need to know how I am going to survive the next 30 or 40 years here with my feet planted on earth without my son walking beside me.
Because at that point I could not see a future for my life.
Especially a future that Andrew was not a part of.
I was just beginning to come out of the fog of processing he is not here — and now…. I had to process forever.
Two questions.
One conversation with God on a bright sunny day.
And what He showed me in the weeks that followed changed everything.
THE FIRST QUESTION: WHERE IS HE
Every grieving mom asks this question.
Maybe not out loud.
Maybe not in words she can even form yet.
But somewhere deep inside — beneath the grief and the fog and the exhaustion of surviving — she is asking it.
Where is my child right now.
I needed to know.
Not in a vague theological sense.
Physically — where is he.
God answered that question for me.
Not immediately.
Not that day or the next day or the next.
But a few months later — when I was listening to a book called Heaven is Not My Real Home by Joni Eareckson Tada — God gave me a physical picture of where Andrew was.
What Scripture Calls the Third Heaven
When you step outside and look up into the sky — the clouds, the blue expanse above you — that is what scripture refers to as the first heaven.
Beyond that — where the sun and the moon and the stars reside — that is the second heaven.
And beyond that — far beyond anything we can see from where we stand — is what scripture calls the third heaven.
The place where God Himself resides.
That is where Andrew is.
And the Word of God confirms it.
“Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord.”
2 Corinthians 5:8 NLT
When we say yes to Jesus — that is not a hope so.
That is not a maybe.
That is a fact.
Your child is home with the Lord.
Wherever God resides is where your child resides.
That settled something deep inside of me because now I can envision exactly where Andrew is.
But I still had my second question sitting right in front of me.
THE SECOND QUESTION: HOW DO I LIVE FROM HERE
This is the question that child loss grief eventually brings every grieving mom to.
Not just how do I survive today.
But how do I live the next 30 or 40 years with my feet planted on this earth without my child walking beside me.
It is one of the heaviest questions a mother will ever carry.
And it is the question God met me in next.
What Jesus Said About Tomorrow
I want to bring you to Matthew chapter 6: 26-27
“Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?”
“Look at the birds.”
They do not worry about next year.
Nor do they lie awake wondering how they are going to survive the next 30 or 40 years.
They just live.
One day at a time.
And their Father takes care of every single one of them.
You are not a bird.
Instead, you are a woman made in the image of God.
More than that, you are a mother whose love for her child did not end when their time here on earth did.
And if your Father tends to every bird of the air — if He sees every single one of them — do you think for one moment He has taken His eyes off of you.
He has not.
He sees you in the fog.
On that walk, His presence is there too.
He sees you in the moment when the reality of the rest of your life lands right in front of you and takes your breath away.
And He has an answer for you.
THE ANSWER THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING
I asked God how I was going to survive the next 30 or 40 years here with my feet planted on earth without my son walking beside me.
And He answered me.
Clearly.
You don’t. You don’t Teresa. The next 30 or 40 years is not what I’ve asked you to live right now. You live today. Today is all I’ve given you. Tomorrow belongs to me.
That was the answer.
And I want you to sit with that for a moment — because I think it is the answer you have been waiting for too.
You were never asked to see the whole road.
You were never asked to figure out how you are going to do forever.
Looking at your future — thinking about every single day from now until the time you meet Jesus face to face — that will not serve you well.
It was never meant to be carried that way.
What you have been given is today.
Just today.
And that is not a small thing.
That is actually an act of mercy.
Because today is manageable.
Today you can do.
Today you can take one small step at a time and trust that the same Father who feeds the birds of the air has not taken His eyes off you for a single moment.
He has your child.
And He has you.
Both of you — held — just in different places.
THE PRACTICE THAT BRINGS PEACE
Learning to live today was a practice that took me time.
I did not learn that overnight.
But I have made such a practice of living today that now it comes so naturally to me.
The moment I start allowing fear to creep into my mind and heart about tomorrow — I am quickly reminded that I am trying to extend my life to a place that I am not promised.
Because I have practiced living today over and over — it has brought a peace into my life that is exactly what He teaches us in Philippians 4:6-7.
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7 NLT
Here is the thing.
In order for your heart and mind to be guarded in Christ Jesus — you have to practice what He teaches.
Tomorrow is far from guaranteed.
When we try to live all of our tomorrows today it brings in the very anxiety that this verse is trying to teach us how to overcome.
Creating a practice where you surrender your tomorrows to Him — and consciously make a decision to focus on today — will lead to that peace that He is talking about in this verse.
Your job is not to figure out forever.
Your job is to live today.
To let Him carry tomorrow.
To trust that the God who answered that prayer on a bright sunny walk — the God who showed me exactly where Andrew was — is the same God walking right beside you today.
Today.
Just today.
🎧 Listen to the Full Episode
If these words have met you where you are today — there is more waiting for you in this week’s episode.
🎙 Episode 287: How Do I Live the Rest of My Life Without My Child: There Is An Answer.
This episode walks you through the full story — the walk, the two questions, what God revealed about where your child physically is right now, and the practice that will bring you peace even when peace feels impossible after loss.
Next Steps
✨ Leave a Review on Apple Podcasts
If this podcast has met you in your grief — your words could be what helps another grieving mom find her way here. It takes just a few minutes and it means more than you know.
👉 Leave a Review on Apple Podcasts
👉 Resources
With care and prayer, Teresa Davis Your Grief Mentor
