Can I Live Again Without Leaving My Child Behind?

For the mom who is getting through the days, and wondering if she will ever really live again.

If you have ever wondered whether you can live again after child loss, you are not alone in that question.

Maybe someone you haven’t seen in months looked at you and said, “Oh, you’re doing so much better now.”

And everything in you wanted to say, “I’m not better.”

Because what they see is someone functioning.

What they don’t see is the pain you live in every single day.

And somewhere underneath that pain lives a question:

Can I really live again without leaving my child behind?

I believe this is the number one obstacle grieving moms face.

It’s reaching a place in your grief journey where you can honor your grief, love your child with everything that’s in you, and continue living out your purpose, all at the same time.

If that feels impossible right now, I understand.

Take a deep breath with me, and let’s walk through this together.

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They See Someone Functioning, Not Someone Living

Let me tell you what I see as I walk alongside grieving moms.

People on the outside looking in will never be able to see this.

They see us at the memorial service.

They might see us out and about two or three weeks later.

And then the next time they see us, it might be six months down the road. And they say, “Oh, you’re doing so much better now.”

But what they don’t understand is this.

They see someone functioning. They don’t necessarily see someone living.

They see you at the grocery store. They see you back at work. They see you going through the motions of life.

From the outside, it looks like you’re better.

But they have no idea what’s going on inside your heart and mind.

It’s like learning how to live all over again.

You had a life that you knew how to live. You knew your rhythms, your routines, your plans, and what your days would hold.

And now you’re standing in a life that feels very unfamiliar.

So if you’ve been wondering why this feels so hard, it feels hard because it is hard.

There’s nothing about this that comes naturally.

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The Day I Threw a Devotion Book Across the Room

The hardest piece for grieving moms is learning to integrate grief into our lives in a way that serves us well.

A way that allows us to continue to love our precious children, and to take them with us into this life that feels so unfamiliar.

That’s why it’s so challenging.

There’s a tension that lives inside of us.

One part of us knows that we’re still here.

But another part of us wonders, “If I start living again, what does that actually mean for my child in heaven?”

I’ve sat with so many moms right in the middle of this hard question.

And I remember the day I realized something.

The Book That Became My Lifeline

My daughter bought me the Hope devotion book by Nancy Guthrie. I woke up one day, and it was sitting on my front porch.

It became a companion that went with me everywhere I went. It literally was a lifeline for me.

Some days I would read the same devotion over and over, the ones that really met me where I was that day.

But one day, and I remember exactly where I was sitting in my living room, I realized that book had 365 devotions in it.

Which meant when I finished that devotion book, Andrew would have been gone from this earth for an entire year.

The pain I felt physically in that moment was so overwhelming that I couldn’t bear it.

I literally picked up that book, and I threw it across the room.

The mere thought of living a year without my son’s presence didn’t even seem possible in that moment.

If that’s where you are right now, lean in.

Because something became true in my life that I want to share with you.

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He Will Show You the Way of Life

Psalm 16:11 (NLT)
“You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.”

Look at those very first words.

“You will show me the way of life.”

When I was sitting on my couch that day, I could not see a way through 365 days without my son’s presence.

But this verse says that our heavenly Father will show us the way.

When you’re learning how to live all over again, you don’t know the way. How could you? You’ve never walked this road before.

But God doesn’t expect you to map out this unfamiliar life by yourself.

He says He will show you the way.

Step by Step and Day by Day

We all want to be on the other side of this pain. Me included.

But it doesn’t work that way. It doesn’t happen all at once.

It happens step by step and day by day.

And notice what He shows us.

It’s the way of life. Not just getting through the day. Not just functioning with your head down.

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You Are Walking Toward Them

“Granting me the joy of your presence.”

I know how conflicting that word joy can feel. It doesn’t seem like it belongs next to your grief.

But the joy David is talking about isn’t pretending your pain isn’t there.

It’s the joy of God’s presence.

His presence doesn’t wait for your grief to be finished. He’s right there in it with you.

And His presence is where functioning slowly begins to become living.

Living With Him Forever

Then the last part of this verse says, “and the pleasures of living with you forever.”

This is the part I don’t want you to miss.

That’s where your child is right now.

Your child is not physically here with you, but your child is living forever in the presence of God.

So when you begin to live again here, you’re not walking away from your child.

You’re walking toward them.

Write that down somewhere.

Because the same God who holds your child is the God who is showing you the way of life, right here where you are.

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Honoring Your Grief While You Live Again

Your child’s life with Him and your life here are not in competition.

You can honor your grief.

You can love your child.

And you can continue living out your purpose.

It doesn’t happen overnight. But you will reach a place where you are not someone who is just getting through the days anymore.

You’re a mother whose child is living with God, and a woman whose life still has purpose here.

Both of those things can be true at the same time.

Integrating grief doesn’t mean your grief gets smaller so your life can get bigger.

It means you learn to carry your love for your child into the life you are living, instead of setting that love aside to get through your day.

So start your morning with Psalm 16:11. Maybe with a prayer like this:

“Lord, show me the way of life today.”

And when a moment of joy comes, let your child be part of it. They’re not two separate things.

When someone says, “Oh, you’re doing so much better now,” let yourself remember that God sees what they don’t.

These are small steps, one at a time.

And He will show you the way.

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🎧 Listen to the Full Episode

If these words have met you where you are today — there is more waiting for you in this week’s episode.

🎙 Episode 319: Can I Live Again Without Leaving My Child Behind?

In this episode, I share the day a devotion book that had been my lifeline became more than I could bear, and the truth from Psalm 16:11 that changed the way I began looking at the life still in front of me.

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Next Steps

✨ Why Am I Still Stuck?

We can easily find ourselves just functioning for a very long time, because we don’t recognize it when it becomes our way of life. We begin to believe that living again is out of reach.

Why Am I Still Stuck? is a free teaching I created for grieving moms who carry this question on their hearts. It will help you begin to see why living again feels hard, and why moving forward in your life does not mean you’re leaving your child behind.

👉 Watch the free teaching: Why Am I Still Stuck?

With care and prayer,
Teresa Davis

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